Haruhi gets a summer job!
by Duke 'The King' Nukem
Summary: The hilarious classic about the time when Haruhi Suzumiya had to get a Summer job in order to payoff her debt to society! WARNING LEMONS IN FUTURE CHAPTERS!
1. Chapter 1

C h a p t e r - - - One

Haruhi gets a summer job! _

It was a warm afternoon in the club room. "Perfect shitting weather!" Haruhi said aloud

"Haruhi, shouldn't you go home soon it's the last day of school and its almost out too I mean Really, Haruhi Suzumiyo why'd ya do this to me?" Kyon wasn't taking his pills again. "HNNNNGGGG FUFUFUFUWAFUWAFUWA PLOP!" All of the sos brigade could hear haruhi ''lose a few pounds''. When haruhi was done poopin she offered Kyon a ride home in her HUMVEE™©.

"HARUHI LOOK OUT FOR PEDESTRIA-" Before kyon could finish Haruhi had ended the life of several small school children.  
>"HOLY COCONUT FUCKING CRACKERS! I KILLED SOME KIDDIES FUCK!" Haruhi said that. "WEE WOO WOO WEE STOP MS SUZUMIYA YOU ARE A WANTED CHILD MURDERER!" "SHIT IT'S THE POPO ACT COOL KYONE." Haruhi had really done it now! She could only get up to 5 years in prison for this because she is autistic. Kyon put on his memes face. "Hey officer is there any problems cause im all cool here hahahahhahheghhegh COUGH HACK SPUTTER" Kyone let the cat outta the bag and accidentally opened the glove compartment revealing Haruhis stash of illegal drugs. "WUH OH!" Haruhi shot kyon an angry stare and kicked him RIGHT IN THE NUTS HAHAHAHAH OH MAN I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS! "YOUR CUMMING WITH US MS SUZUMIYA!" "Huh?" Haruhi confused "ERR AHH I MEAN YOUR COMING WITH US MS SUZUMIYA!" "Now that's the police I remember! Fuck you Kyon!" Kyon sat alone and watched the police take Haruhi away he cried but then laughed off his anus because he stole Haruhis Humvee and got that "Sweet ass hoe busted in the mustard!"<p>

The sos brigade was ordered to appear at Haruhis trial in the Japanese court room (sliding doors, shitty chairs etc). The sound of the judge whom is bazooka joe's hammer hitting the desk twice. BANG BANG. "COURT IS NOW IN SESSION HARUHI!" Haruhi was fucked but she thought she would ask Mikuru how shit went down. "YO MIKURU WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED ON THAT FATEFUL NIGHT?" Haruhi was hopin foe a miwacle. "Haruhi you killed a bunch of kids and were impaired you should get community service time or something." Mikuru spoke like an angel!3. "Fuck you Mikuru you saggy tits whore face cock mongl-" Before H-ruhi could finish the judge spoke. "HARUHI IF YOU DON'T PAY UP $100.000 TO MAKE UP FOR THE DEATH OF MANY CHILDREN AND POSSESING DURGS BY SEPTEMBER THE FIRST I WILL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT THAT YOU GET RAPED IN JAIL BY MEXICAN MONKEY MANS AND BEAT TO DEATH." Haruhi was a broken doll amongst heroes. "BUT I DON'T HAVE THAT KINDA MONEY!" Haruhi turned red when she thought of her only option. "ILL… ILL… ILL.." "ILL ILL?" The judge mocked her. "ILL… ILL GET A SUMMER JOB!" "k good" And like that the sos brigade rode back to their club room in Haruhis now smashed to shit and full of graffiti, HUMVEE™©.

PART TWO COMING ZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE!


	2. Workin' the Street

CHAPTER NUMERO TWO

Workin' the Street

Haruhi was putting applications in left, right and center, but with the recent economic crisis it was becoming harder and harder to find decent work.  
>"THAT'S HOW BAD!" Jay Leno commented, snickering devilishly at Haruhi as he blew a joint in her face.<br>"KY-ON!" Haruhi shouted, "HELP ME FIND A SUMMA JOB!" she demanded, kicking him in the shins with her pure rage.  
>"Ouch Haruhiiiii!" Kyon cried like a tiny baby, "I can't just GIVE you a job, we have to FIND one first!" he explained, slugging along behind her.<br>"Well I'm getting tired of it! There HAS to be some easier way to get decent work around here without being a cheap whore like Mikuru!" Mikuru frowned out that, sticking her tongue out at Haruhi as she excepted the five dollar bill thrust before her.  
>"Well I'm going behind this alleyway with Ms Asahina now, you two be careful!" Itsuki was a manslut that Nagato had purchased along with Mikuru for a sweet buy one get one free deal.<p>

Haruhi looked exhausted, "Kyon carry me!"  
>"What no fuk u." Kyon replied.<br>"No fuk u, carry me or I'll tell everyone about your one night stand with Aunt Jemimah."  
>"K."<br>They eventually got really damn hungry, and so they stopped in at a nearby burger joint as they contemplated where to find work.  
>"Ugh the food here tastes like crap." Haruhi complained, chewing down her burger, it's secret sauce spilling onto her chest.<br>"Wow Haruhi, way to SLOOOOOOOB" Kyon replied, wiping it off as an excuse to rub her HOT HOT TITAYS.  
>"Thanks." She said being stupid and not noticing as Kyon "wiped" the sauce harder.<br>"Hey you guys!" an african american teen in a burger worker's uniform came over and sat beside Kyon, making him very VERY uncomfortable, "Cleaning sauce, huh? That's not how ya do it." he claimed, licking his finger and wiping the sauce from Haruhi's right nipple spots.  
>"WOW, way to 1up me asshole" Kyon murmured.<br>"You sound mad" he noticed, "What's wrong?"  
>"OH NOT MUCH" Haruhi blurted, slamming her hands down on the table, "We're just in a SHITTY burger joint after I had to walk with my SHITTY legs all across this SHITTY country (I don't think Japan is that big though) to find a SHITTY job! Fuck I hate employees at McDonald's, let's go Kyon!"<br>So Haruhi dragged Kyon by his DICK and he was like oh that's SO hot but he didn't act on it cause Haruhi would pull it like, into the street or something and feed it to the wild dogs.  
>The two walked like that for sometime, until someone approached Haruhi and said 'Give ya $100 for a quick blow, but Haruhi misunderstood and punched him in the face, taking his wallet afterwards. He was broke though, so fuck him for trying to take advantage of my poor, sweet Haruhi.<br>After that an African American teen on rollerblades shot by, knocking Kyon to the ground and pressing into him hard, almost like a hot yaoi type scene but without the nudity or ghosts everywhere.  
>"WOAH, sorry about that guy!" he spoke, getting up quickly and dusting himself off, "MAn, I wish I could find someone to take this JOB so I wouldn't need to keep doing the deliveries!" he spoke allowed as though his thoughts weren't picked up by anyone else.<br>"I'LL TAKE IT" Haruhi exclaimed.  
>"GREAT! I'LL TAKE YOU THERE!" The boy exclaimed, lifting Haruhi in his arms and skating down the street with her, leaving Kyon confused, disturbed and aroused.<br>If only the Smurfs could see him now.

Awhile later, Haruhi was in a skimpy tight fastfood uniform as she lifted Kyon's limp body from the ground.  
>"Wakeup asshole!" she demanded, "You're working with me so we make twice the money in half the time!" "Working...? Where? T_T " Kyon groaned all kawaiii wait, that's for haruhi to do.<br>"Good Burger." 


	3. Haruhis minimum wage gets cut

Haruhi works at a hamburger joint. Part one.  
>Haruhi was flipping a mean hamburger when her boss called her. "Haruhi we need you to go deliver some burgers to the kids In the park." Haruhi was afraid of gangrape. "kyone accompany me to the county jail." The sos brigade woke up. Haruhi woke up. Her alarm was buzzing BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ lightyear to the rescue. "Ahh thank the almighty god it was just a dream I only have work in one hour(s)." Haruhi then realized she was late for her mad milking burger task. Im dude she dude we all dude. Haruhi was a fussy little bnitch you had a really picky tastein good fan fiction. She could either stop bitching and let the rest of the fucking novel be complete or keep sucking dick like the small 90's whore she may or may been. Kyon was walking Pluto when aan asteroid desteroid destroyed desproau. He died. Yuki nagato was earning a living on her burger job, her and haruhi were sisters . sisters. They worked all night at the good burger store home of the hard hammy. They would stay overtime to make more money so they could also be more of a help to community. Haruhi was no go to school shes a robot in this fan fic. Kyon was bored of haruhi lazer bombing his pants HEY HARUHI STOP IT IM ON TWITTER. Ginger chick was feeling her boobs when haruhi was getting a perv on so she feeled her boobs every feelling boobs kyon wanted to boobs he had none. Poor haruhi haruhi was a robot who just undergone a burger joint club anishiation and it was pounding her head because she had a head drama those hurt shes maybe a robot? But shes only a girl. At best. She really needs kyon to help make her women. Ahhhhwhww yeah hot lemons cuming up. It was a hawt steamy afternoon, enough steam to censor all the privates and haruhi had just come back from the womens changing roomshelter where she got her perv on. Kyon wanted to go eat a hamburger so he thought hey haruhi is my bro she works at good hamburger lets all go down sos brigade. and they had frisky floor sex.

Haruhi had just finished her exams she felt releaved she was kidnapped. Kyon was looking at the latest memes he found and bookmarked meme gag and haruhi was angry so she beat him and then she got kidnapped. Mikuru was trying to get on kyons "Good guy side"when he started swearing and drinking he was mad because the school computers had blocked all the funny memes. Oh yeah itsuki. Yuki was waiting for the bus it was a busy day there was not a seat to be found an old wise man invited her to his home for coffiee she declined and was raped on the bus by the driver after they came she died.

The next day they found haruhi in the lost and found she was missing a few limbs its okay its whats on the inside that matters she was pregnant she was raped by the night shift janitor. Haruhi was on ebay she wanted crack, kyon was inserting the dragon dildo into his sister she screamed and died. The talking cat was there he wanted in haruhis pants and she put him in her pants but she sat on him crushing his internal organs

And eventually aka 1 minnute later flattening him to death ive gotta pee said haruhi so she looked both ways and said kyon cmere my vajayjays making lemonade and he died. Then she got fired for employee harassment she would roleplay mk9 freddies fatality in the kitchen which killed yuki but she was awesome so she came. Back as a vampire zombie who loved sucky suckie. Then jaruhi attacked the Malaysian prime president she wanted her cat back. Hong kong was nuked they didn't give me mymail yet im bored. Larry the lobster cable man was busy giving haruhis ome mean head when she pulled a gun out her craw and he died. Kyon was trying to get a summer job like haruhi he was jelous of her success and popularity among the neckbeards he went to basken 32 robins he asked them for a job they said no plese go he went in the ice cream bins taking death by chocolate to the next level. Yuki nagato was at a car wash washing cars and sucking the DIC she loved mlp no wait she loved MVP. Yuki nagato she died. Ms ashahina and kyon were on theyre first date. "Can I get you something to drink ms ajhsahina ?" Kyon was being polite he had boogers coming out of his nose and was homosexual so he started feeling upp inuyasha who thought this was gross and kagomii was saying sit inuyasha a bunchso his face kept getting pound into kyons anul cavities this forced them to be sent to the hospital to get his face outta dat ass. Yuki was the doctor she had been playing operation a lot to preparre and she shoved some toungues up kyons but and removed his colon whoops hey haruhi giuiimmeie mc double. Kyon had just been dumped by haruhi she said "Kyon I need a more mature man in my life like bob or margrert" Kyon wwas tearing up he had only one bullet in his shot gun he shot haruhi he was mad at god god promised him hoes and money. Kyon realized he was not japeanse but rather a koraen he moved the show ended the fanbase slowly died the end. 


End file.
